It's been a while since I have opened up in this forum. So much has transpired since November, and to be honest I got knocked off my rocker. It isn't the first time but honestly Id like it to be the last time.
I'm finding that I am becoming desensitized to pain. The more it happens the less I desire to "bounce back". Is that giving up? Choosing to stay "down"? There are days I don't want to be seen, not me, not my love, not my experiences, not my business. Those days are long honey and they've piled up.
Let me tell you a little story. I KNOW we can manifest according to our desires. I've done it, multiple times. I manifested a "man" a few times, an RV, Land, and they were allllllllllllll in alignment with what I asked for. LITERALLY all fell in line, but then everything fell out of line. My Fiona (the RV) was driven into a ditch and left there for a month. My "man" left her and me and vacated the United States, with vengeance and deceit. My plan for my land, my home, my business~ all came to a halt! It knocked me off my rocker!! This returned me to a place of doubt, in God, in myself, in love, in my purpose, in life. I definitely was triggered back to the underbelly of grief. I was triggered into abandonment, because I was literally abandoned, or so it seemed and sometimes still seems. There's a very unsettling feeling that gets trapped into my being, a feeling of not being safe, a feeling of not trusting myself and others. This was a space I deliberately "healed" to come out of so I could "experience" life even after the trauma of losing Aniya. But let me tell you something..........
Healing or whatever we want to call it, should happen intentionally but organically. It doesn't need to be sought after; it needs to be received. This means I TRIED so hard to find healing because I despised the pain, but all I needed to do was allow healing to find me. NOTHING, not even "healing" should be sought after, it should be attracted. For example, if you are coming across this blog entry it's because you attracted it; you made space for it, whether consciously or unconsciously. When I find a certain herb ATTRACTS my attention it's for a reason, when I find a certain book ATTRACTS my attention it's because it contains information pertinent to my life, when I am ATTRACTED (GUIDED) to host a certain "healing" experience its because it is necessary for both myself and those who join me in each capacity they join.
I promise you, in this moment, I can find the lesson in the experience of abandonment. In retrospect I can see where I was so ecstatic yet still settling. I settled for treatment that I know went against my Fairy Goddess code. I repeated words and feelings too many times. I welcomed "advice" that also went against my Goddess code. I sold me out for a dream....my dream. My eyes saw clearly the parts of the puzzle that didn't fit, yet my vision only saw the outcome of my desires. Although it sounds cliche' God/the Universe/Source will snatch away those you won't walk away from. I can tell you my lessons are less painful, but I don't know if that's because they've become gentler or if it's because I've become desensitized.
RECLAIMING MY SHENNAN
You know, the vision, really never changed, I was just so joyful that I thought I FOUND (lesson) a partner that aligned fully with the vision. But fuck him!
As I reclaim what was mine, that I was willing to share, I welcome and attract my vision. I make space for my vision, and I TRUST MY VISION. <<<<<<<<whew, that's a big one. I trust my vision, I trust my vision, say it with me I TRUST MY VISION.
Its taking a bit of time to get back on track, seriously. But it is an opportunity to reconnect with myself and my purpose; an opportunity to stay in my lane; an opportunity to attract my desires.
ATTRACT as opposed to SEEK.. I connect to my divine feminine. I welcome her to my safe space. MMMMMMM, I had to sit in that.
Ok now... I am moved to invite, welcome, you to join me in attracting intentionally; to making space; to standing in feminine energy. In our divine feminine we attract, we receive, we multiply and reflect what is given to us. Are you ready?? Let's meet at the sacred land, allow ourselves to align with what we desire. Let's stand in our feminine energy of attraction, of beauty, of the strength and power of being the keepers of feminine energy.
signed....soulflower
Comments